


Undo All The Pain

by warpedsoul



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: M/M, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-20
Updated: 2014-06-20
Packaged: 2018-02-05 11:52:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1817539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/warpedsoul/pseuds/warpedsoul
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Michael doesn't like himself but he loves Calum.</p>
<p>Calum loves Michael and tells him such.</p>
<p>It's a lot more complicated than that.</p>
<p>I'm just super shit at writing summaries.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Undo All The Pain

**Author's Note:**

> Guys seriously help me out here I'm not getting any prompts or shit. This one is Malum because I barely mentioned them in the last one shot and I feel bad. Excuse the cheesy title. This is also on Wattpad if you'd prefer to read it there, my user there is the same as here. Enjoy!

Michael really, really didn't like himself. Like, okay, he knew people had insecurities and not everyone is perfect, but. Still. He could be better. At least, he thought he could.

But it wasn't irrational or anything, he just didn't think he was good enough, he isn't worth the space. Who actually cares, right?

So, since no one actually cares, obviously he needs to be punished. And like, he makes that seem kinky or something, but he really, really doesn't deserve this life. At least, that's what he thinks.

So when he gets upset, or he thinks he messed up during a concert or he made a joke that nobody thought was funny so why the hell did he say it anyways, he grabs a blade.

But, like, he knows there are better ways to deal with this. Like "talking to people" and "getting help" but that would draw attention and that's what he doesn't want.

This secret form of self-inflicted torture that he's built himself kinda falls apart one day when he's playing video games in the tour bus and everybody else is doing their own thing. He hadn't really been thinking of anything in specific, it was one of his more quiet days where his mind let him be, concentrating on the zombies on the screen.

"Michael? Dude where are you?" he heard Calum call out. Michael tensed, he never knew what he was going to say or do around him, any filters he had tended to not work during these situations. Not like they ever did anyways.

"Michael! Jesus Christ are you still playing that video game?" Calum exclaimed upon entering. Michael blushed as he glanced at the boy standing next to the couch he was perched on. In all honesty, half the time Michael was playing video games it was to distract himself of his thoughts and the fact that they centered around the particular boy next to him.

"Uh, yeah? What does it look like I'm doing?" Michael rolled his eyes, trying to play cool.

"Losing. It looks like you're losing." Calum smirked, chuckling as Michael turned red and attempted to regain some form of lead (and dignity).

"It's your fault, you distracted me." Michael muttered, zoning in on his game so he didn't have to look at Calum's adorable face anymore.

"Aw Mikey, you know you love me!" Calum exclaimed with a pout. He plopped down onto the cushion next to Michael, resting his head on his shoulder and looking up with his bottom lip sticking out.

Michael glanced down and inhaled sharply biting his lip to prevent himself from making a bad move. It was taking everything in him not to kiss the pout right off of Calum.

"No I don't," Michael muttered, jumping slightly as he felt two arms wrap around his waist. He shivered as Calum pushed his face into his neck, his hot breath washing over his shoulders. Michael inhaled sharply before suddenly pausing the game and turning it off. He was starting to feel uneasy with the direction this conversation was turning.

"I'm gon-gonna, uhm," Michael stuttered, jumping off of the couch and standing up so fast his head whirled a bit.

"What? Michael. Where are you going?" Calum asked, and Michael didn't miss the look of hurt that flashed through his eyes.

Michael stuttered out some more incoherent words before stumbling towards his bunk.

"Fine. Leave. See if I give a fuck." Calum growled out, sending Michael a glare and storming past him to him own bunk. Michael winced and bit his lip, wanting to call out and apologize and explain why he couldn't sit there anymore, but he stayed where he was, tears filling his eyes. He felt like his heart was pumping out pain instead of blood.

At the thought of blood, he rushed to the bathroom, slamming the door behind him and locking it shut. He scrambled for his razor, tears rushing down his face as he whimpered quietly. He didn't want to make Calum mad, he just didn't want to disgust him by admitting his feelings.

"Look what you've done"

"Faggot"

"He hates you now"

"Kill yourself already"

Michael didn't realize he had stripped off his jeans and shirt while sobbing until he went to make the first cut on his thigh.

The cuts stung, like usual, but it was welcomed. It distracted him from the emotional pain that he was going through.

He started slicing more cuts into his wrists, his salty tears splashing into them causing them to burn.

"Michael?" A soft voice called from the other side of the door.

"Can...can I come in?" Calum called out.

"One second," Michael called out, his voice cracking on the second word because of his sobbing.

"Michael? Are you crying?" Calum asked worriedly. Calum jiggled the door knob, trying his best to get in.

Calum knew that Michael was upset, and he knew that he totally overreacted when Michael got up. He was a bit hurt though, Michael had been acting weird around him for months and he was getting tired of it.

"Michael if you don't open this door yourself I'm coming in on my own!" Calum rose his voice, trying to get the door open still.

Michael panicked, he couldn't have Calum coming in, he'd see Michael at his worst. He'd be disgusted and leave, and Michael wouldn't blame him.

Before Michael could make a decision, the door slid open as Calum dropped the credit card he used to break in, rushing to Michael's side

"Michael, I-" Calum was cut off as he stared down at the state Michael was in. Tears trailed down his flushed face, making his rosy cheeks glisten. His bloodshot eyes made the green in them pop, and his hair was disheveled. Calum thought he was heartbreakingly beautiful.

It was the cuts running down his arms and thighs that made him freeze. Had he done that? Had he pushed His beat friend to do that? Calum didn't realize that tears were running down his face until a sob came from Michael.

"Mikey? Why would you-" Calum started off before Michael interrupted him.

"Calum! I'm sorry, I know I'm disgusting and worthless and horrible and I don't deserve to be in the band and I'm ugly and a faggot and-"

"MICHAEL!" Calum cried out, his heart aching as his best friend confessed all of this to him. It pained him that Michael thought this low of himself. 

Calum carefully wrapped his arms around the sobbing boy.

"You're NONE of those things at all! You're amazing, a kick ass guitarist, one of the most attractive people I've laid my eyes on, and you're not a faggot!" Calum soothed as he stroked Michael's hair. He meant every word, he'd always had a strong connection with Mikey, and he knew it went beyond friends, but he'd never had the courage to delve into it. Now he wishes he did.

Michael glanced up at Calum, hugging him closer when he saw that Calum was crying too. Why did he always fuck everything up?

"Calum please don't cry, I'm not worth it. I love you and-" Michael's eyes widened as he realized what he just let slip.

"You...what?" Calum whispered. His hands stopped running up and down Michael's back in shock.

Michael trembled. This isn't what he wanted to happen. Everything was going downhill, he basically just lost his friendship with Calum.

"Calum, I'm sorry, forget what I said, I didn't say anything-" Michael spluttered.

"Did you mean it?" Calum interrupted.

"Wh-what?"

"When you said you loved me. Did you mean it?"

"...yes," Michael whispered, he had nothing to lose anymore.

What shocked him out of his self-hatred bubble was the blinding smile that split across Calum's face.

It kinda blew him mind when Calum leaned down to connect their lips. That was pretty shocking too.

Michael made a surprised sort of squeal, freezing up a bit, before Calum's hands rubbing up and down his back helped him melt into the kiss.

It was a sweet kiss, no heat or lust, but there was passion. Not a wild kind of passion, but a quiet kind, only for the two of them.

When they pulled back, Calum couldn't resist dropping another short kiss to Michael's adorable red lips. Michael gazed up at Calum, his entire dream had just came true and he didn't know what to do. Calum stood up and grabbed a first aid kit, cleaning up Michael's wrists and thighs. He leaned forwards and rested his forehead against Michael's, dropping the supplies. 

"I love you too." Calum murmured as he nuzzled his nose against Michael's. Michael grinned and he tilted his head for another kiss, their lips meeting quickly before Calum suddenly stood up, holding Michael bridal style.

"Let's go to bed, I'm tired as fuck."

Calum carried his boy into the bunk area, laying him down in Calum's bunk before climbing in after him. Calum pulled Mikey towards himself, burying his face into Michael's neon green hair as he wrapped his arms around his waist.

Michael let out a content sigh, resting his head in the crook of Calum's neck, his arms wrapping around his chest. He had never felt so at peace.

They laid there, enjoying each other's being, soaking in each other's presence. Their eyes weighed heavy with sleep as they slowly kissed, both not being able to get enough of the other.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments are always lovely, thanks <3


End file.
